Jimmy McNeal


Jun 27, 2016

Search Me and Know My Heart

"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting" - Psalm 139:23-24

I look at these last words of Psalm 139 today and realize even more that these are words that I need to pray. I fail my wife, I fail my son, I wrong others, I lie, I lust, I rebel, I covet, I'm dishonest, discontent, I sin for the approval of others, I don't trust God often, I fear the unknown, I run to other things, and the list goes on and on.

I am sinful.

I need a God who will lead me in the way everlasting.  

Like David, I want God to search me and know me. I want God to shine light on the deepest and darkest secrets of my life. Why not? Why not let him reveal to me the ways in which I sin? Why not let him change me? Why not ask Him to convict this sinful heart of mine often? Is it so that my "platform" doesn't suffer? Is it so that people only see the "good side of me" and think that I'm a good person? Is it so that I don't have to wonder what so and so will think of me if they find out I've done this or that? So many of us are deathly afraid of people seeing the real us. I see this so often in social media. We're so afraid of people seeing the real people behind the post, snapchat, or tweet. We fear true vulnerability and try to just simply show folks only "the good side of life".  But if they don't see the ugly they will never see the one who is The Giver of all things good.

In my past it's been fear that's kept me from being vulnerable and begging God to search me and know my heart, to truly cleanse me of my sin. Even though I truly hate what it does to my marriage, friendships, family, and ministry, somehow I let fear lead me to believe that the best place for my sins are behind closed doors where God and I are the only two that know of it.

Thankfully, God calls us to live in community with other believers that will pray for us, keep us accountable, and call out our sin often. This is the kind of community we need to fight for in our lives. Even though I sometimes fear that God will cleanse me in the form of humiliation, it's a prayer that I need to pray no matter if I'm humiliated in front of numerous people or sitting in front of my wife confessing hidden ways I've sinned against her. 

I'm in need of a savior just like everyone else is in this world. It's through my sin that the people I encounter get to actually see a glimpse of the love of Christ Jesus. My humiliation points people to Jesus. You see, He became sin that I might become His righteousness. Not part of my sin, but all of my sin. When I see my sin and couple it with vulnerability and confession; God shows himself faithful to his word.

"The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sings, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as his as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us..." - Psalm 103:8-12

Whether in our victories or defeats, lets strive to be vulnerable, honest, and real people who ask God to search us and know our hearts so that we can point people to the grace, mercy, and love of Christ in ALL that we do.

Nothin' but love,



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